letter to Naddy

May 2nd, 2001

Dear Naddy,

How are you? I hope all is well with your studies and also with you away from home and parents -- it is hard! But you are a very smart young lady and I know you will do well no matter what.
My work right now is very tedious and boring at times. It is a challenge for me just to keep everything in order and also be sane out of every crazy things that goes on around the department. People are generally nice to me, but I don't really care because work is work and other than that I want it out of my usual life rather than make it the talk of the day. Cause I do bitch about work to my friends and they had enough of it already.
Okay I am trying to learn french again because of this guy I am seeing now. I mentioned him to you on e-mail. He is half Chinese and half Laotian and he lived in France for 26 years (basically when he was a baby) His name is Jean-Paul. Isn't it weird Asian with a French name?! haa haa!
Last Sunday, I asked him out to have brunch (breakfast/lunch) with me, but I didn't tell him that my mom would be there too. He seemed okay about it. My mom thought he was an okay guy, but one thing that bothered her was his height -- he is a bit short for a guy 5-6 or 5-7. He is a computer nerd so a very smart guy - smarter than me. And he plays chess both Chinese chess and regular chess. I like that!
So nobody is perfect right -- I dig it I could live it.
I find myself always worried about other people's opinions. I don't know why. And especially people close to me like my mom and my cousin who is getting married in June of this year. They like to criticize people I basically go out with and I cannot take their comments lightly because they know me well enough to tell me what is not good for me and what is good for me. I just don't know what to do. I so much not want it to bother me, but it does.
I read your letter several times to try to understand your situation. I didn't think it was that complicated of a situation, but then anything on the topic of relationship is fairly complicated to the point of either very good or very bad.
I don't know if my advice would help because of the kind of relationships I had been in the past. They are quite awful. That's the truth when you are young you tend to make stupid mistakes and now just looking back thinking -- they are just too sad that they are funny to laugh about.

unfinished

Automony

written august 3 - 6, 2002

two lovers stood in silence
in the hollow church
echoed words by priests, ministers, and religious leaders
many vows repeat
"two rings a symbol of unity"
in what eyes?
in the eyes of marriage
a tradition candied by consumerism
bride tears with joy, groom tears in fear
underlined by legal subtext
once upon a time
two beings in love
not as simple

In Memory of Grandma Coy

written on March 15th, 1999

I was watching television
But I vaguely remember what was on
Grandma Coy came in
And sat down on the day bed

I had my camera with me
And decided to take some pictures of her
She didn't mine or cared
But was distracted by the flashlight

I shut off the flash
She mumbled the name "Mike"
And asked where he was
I answered,"Mike's at work."

She snapped back,
"He better get his ass back home!"
I was startled
By her stamina

She sat quietly again
I took a couple more pictures
She looked at me with blankness
I looked at her with gratitude

A sailor's wife
At a young age
A Richmond shipyard welder
During WWII
A waitress
For 30 something years
Lots of heartache
Cussed like a sailor
It doesn't bother her

Memory lost like waves
Wiping off footprints to a clean slate
Remembering one fragment of time

Ring of a rose
A token from the past
Her own image remains her mother's

Droplets of blood
A cast shadow of a lost child
Her hands remain her son's

Pieces of puzzle
A room of rummages
Her belongings remain covered in dust

Ten folds of pain
An abuse of power
Her body remains in battered metal sheets

A message from Kimberly
About Grandma's death
An empty tape recording
Ended with silence

Memories lost or still remains
A pause
A stop
Unfinished ...